Dear 2017,
What a year you have been.
2017, like any year, you have had your ups and downs. But I have to say that you really have been a good year for me.
At the beginning of 2017, I was very ill...to say the least. My weight was dangerously low, my daily allergic reactions were just starting to stop, my health was continuing on it's downward spiral, I was deeply depressed and suicidal, I was sure I wouldn't even live to see spring time due to my hopelessly dwindling health....
The beginning of 2017 for me was dismal, at best. The only thing that got me through was my furry baby, Tramp, my puppy. He gave me a reason to at least get up every day, and at the time, just getting up was a monumental accomplishment for me.
But in some time, dismal turned to not too bad, and then suddenly I stopped and realized that things were starting to actually look up. My health wasn't declining anymore, it was actually starting to improve.
On March 13, 2017 I saw a new doctor for the first time. After a 4 hour appointment, I walked out of her office and walked up to the hill to the car, practically pain free...for the first time in 5 years.
And even though that wasn't the instant cure all end to my chronic pain, nothing has ever been since that day. Just having that one day without pain changed everything for me. It was like suddenly we turned a corner and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had hope.
This year has been filled with endless amounts of very hard work and strict self discipline about making the best possible choices for my health. It's been a long, hard year, but my God the benefits and improvements I've made have been amazing.
My life path has changed drastically, yet again, and for once I stopped fighting it and let go of the things I'd been holding onto for so long. The goals I felt I needed to accomplish in life, and the ideas I'd had about how I felt my life should be. With the encouragement of the doctor I started seeing in March who has completely changed my life, and almost identical advice I was given by an intuitive, and some would say psychic stranger, I let go. I let go of my fears, of my anxiety, of my resistance towards so many things, and most of all... I let go of my old view of myself.
To paraphrase those two women who've changed everything for me, they told me, "You are capable of so much more than you think. You're stuck in your head. You don't have to try so hard. Just let it all go. Breathe. Follow your instincts and stop questioning it. Be curious, not afraid. Fear cannot exist where curiosity does."
Two women, whom I met two days apart, who don't know each other, whom I both met after long, crazy series of events of fate, somehow managed to give me the exact same advice.
It was like a slap in the face wake up call from the universe.
After the second woman, the intuitive stranger, said the same things as my doctor, I stopped questioning everything and followed their advice. I didn't second guess my instincts any longer and dove right into the deep end of this whole crazy long life and spiritual journey. It's been amazing.
I have to say, 2017, I think you have been the most incredible year of my life. So many huge things have happened, so many changes... I've gone from the lowest off lows and worst my health has maybe ever been, to now doing the best I have done in YEARS. I can't remember the last time I've been this happy for this long and didn't dip into a depression. I can't remember the last time I had a winter where my health was so good. I can't remember the last time I felt so good on Christmas. I can't remember the last time I actually felt like me. I finally feel like myself again, even though everything in my life has changed.
2017, I have to thank you, because of you, I've found myself.
I'm the most grounded I've ever been, I'm the most spiritually connected I've ever been, I'm the happiest and healthiest I've been in years and I'm still continuing to improve. I've gone a whole year without being in the hospital. I've gone almost a year without an allergic reaction. I have two, happy, healthy furry little kids who've totally changed my world. I'm happy, and in love.
But most of all, the thing I am most grateful for is that I finally have hope again. Hope has changed everything for me.
I have grown so much as a person this year and have learned so much, and for that I am incredibly grateful.
I still don't know what I'm gonna do with my life exactly, and I don't know where I'm going, but I'm finally okay with that. Everything that's happened this year has led me to exactly where I am right now, and I wholeheartedly love and am so thankful for where I'm at. I'm excited to see what's in store next for me, and I'm ready to start living.
2017, you have been a reawakening for me, and honestly I think that's what you've been for many others too, and for that, I thank you.
Thank you, 2017. You will forever hold a special place in my heart and I'll never forget you.
Cheers to a hell of a year!
Goodbye, 2017!
