22 - A Tribute To Alex

On the 16th I turned 22, which is the age that my friend Alex passed away at. She died of all the same illnesses I had, and two years ago when she passed away I was just newly in remission. It’s a miracle that I’m alive and even thriving now. 

To be turning the age she was when she passed away is so incredibly bittersweet for me. She has been constantly, heavily on my mind lately. But I can feel that this year of being 22 is going to bring me so many blessings. I just know it, and I know Alex will be working her magic. 

Alex’s number was 22, it was her lucky number, it was always her sports number, and she ended up even passing away at 22.

Just about every day that she’s been gone she sends me a strategically timed 22 somewhere as a little hello from heaven, as a pat on the back, as encouragement, as guidance, as a reminder... 

Example: Right after midnight this New Year’s Eve I noticed we had been dancing right next to table number 22, and I knew that was her way of saying she was with us and she was happy for my happiness. 

I’m blessed that she is always with me, every day, and since we’re walking through life hand in hand between worlds, 22 has become my number too, my other number, our number. 

I’m intentionally carrying forward Alex’s 22s and everything that her beautiful soul embodies. To be turning 22, her number, is emotional, and special, and so meaningful. I feel her with me more than ever.

She’s been encouraging me so much to celebrate life and all of my blessings and milestones, and I am, and I will continue to remind myself to do so! But I also can’t help that there is a big part of my heart that in some way wants to dedicate this year of being 22 to her. That may sound odd to some too, but I know what I’m feeling inside. If nothing else, I know I can honor her by reminding myself to live life the way she would’ve wanted me to. Maybe an essence of, “What would Alex do?” 

Alex was a giver, she was courageous, she was graceful and humble and kind. She had so much faith and so much hope. She believed. When in doubt, she just simply believed and had hope. If there wasn’t light in a situation, she would become the light. 

So as I’m stepping into being 22, that’s what I want to embody, and that’s how I want to honor Alex. 

Thank you, to my dear sweet angel friend, Alex. 

I coincidentally finished writing this at 2:22.

More About Alex

If anyone reading this would like to learn more about Alex's story or if you'd like to donate to the Alex Hudson Lyme Foundation you can visit their website here: https://www.alexhudsonlymefoundation.org

I also shared some of Alex's story in this video. 

Turning 22 and Some Other Amazing Milestones

Every year, my birthday is always is a time that I like to stop and reflect. A few years I’ve written blog posts for my birthday, and this year I decided to do that again. 

Looking back, I’ve had some very difficult birthdays, and I even have a birthday I don’t remember at all because I was so sick at that time. I spent so many long, hard years fighting to move forward and dreaming and hoping that better days would lie ahead of me. But it’s funny how we can end up stepping into our dreams and not fully realize that we’ve just reached a destination we had been dreaming about for so long. 

It’s so incredibly easy to get swept up in the busyness of life. We often forget to stop and acknowledge how far we’ve come, and how hard we’ve worked to get where we are right now. We forget to simply just appreciate the blessings that are all around us here in the present moment. 

I’ve had a particularly busy past year, to say the least. I’ve done a lot and accomplished so much and I’m continuing to move forward quickly too. The pace has been so fast though that it hasn’t even fully sunk in that not only have I accomplished a TON of my dreams, but I’ve surpassed a lot of them too. 

For example: This week I started working at my parents office, and it didn’t sink in how big of a deal that is until after a few people happy cried when I told them that news. Having people react that way made me stop and realize, “Wow…Yeah…This IS a big deal.” 

I’ve reached a destination that my past self didn’t think would ever be possible. 

But how amazing that I’m finally to a point in my journey that health has become my normal, so-much-so that I didn’t even realize I’ve arrived here. I didn’t hesitate to take the job fearing “what ifs.” I felt so confident and happy in myself that my old limitations hardly crossed my mind at all. It took multiple people happy crying for me to realize that that is a totally appropriate response, because this is HUGE. It’s surreal that realizing these things is such an afterthought too. 

It’s an amazing feeling to realize that I’ve really settled into my new normal and that my past is just that, just my past, just things that are behind me.

In the last year the thing I worked on the most was healing my ptsd. A year ago I was still frequently hung up by old fears, old limitations, and old anxieties. My body had healed past a lot, but my mind still wasn’t convinced. So I worked very hard to push past those mental walls, and this week, I realized I have. 

As incredibly excited I am for the future knowing that my dreams are possible and within reach, this week, and yesterday for my birthday, I’ve made sure to stop for a moment to be present, to count my blessings, to pat myself on the back, and to thank the universe for sticking by my side through everything. 

Past me would not believe where I am right now. 

Past me would be bawling happy tears. 

Past me would be so proud. 

But present me is proud too. 

I saw this quote and it’s so relevant to how I’m feeling. 

I spent too many birthdays so very sick and wishing I could do so much more. I wished I had the energy to get dressed, to do my makeup, to brush my hair, to go out, and wishing I had friends to go out with. I would spend the day at home with my family, and I was so grateful for that, but I also longed for so much more too. 

Yesterday, I spent my 22nd birthday doing pretty much what I’ve always done. I had a pajama day, I didn’t do my makeup or brush my hair, I didn’t go out, I didn’t see friends. I spent the night laughing with my family…not because I was sick or limited, but purely because that’s exactly what I wanted to do. The difference now is that I have options, and I chose to spend my day the same way I always have. I have friends, I do go out when I want to, I can get dressed up and do all of the things. But isn’t it funny how you can come full circle and realize that all-along you were already in the exact place you wanted and needed to be. 

Knowing that I actually have a choice now makes a world of difference, but realizing I was always exactly where (deep down) I wanted to be is healing beyond what words can even express.