Physical pain is easier than mental or emotional pain.
I’m sure a good majority of all of you who just read that are deeply confused as to what I mean. Before I explain what I mean by that though, I first need to give some backstory about the types of pain I’ve felt in just this past week, and tell why this topic is on my mind.
A few days ago I woke up in a bad mental state. I laid in bed that morning wanting to cry or throw up from how bad I was mentally. By that I mean that my OCD (and all that comes with that; germaphobia, anxiety, panic attacks, irrational fears, depressive thoughts, etc. It's all a domino effect after a certain point.) was so bad that it made me want to throw up. But instead of following my instinct to sleep all day and avoid having to deal life, I got up and ate.
That was just the first hour of being awake.
How bad it was when I woke up, that level of my mind going crazy, when it's so bad that it makes me want to throw up, that's when I start having panic attacks that I can't control. There's a very fine line before it turns into a panic attack and there's a very fine line of not being able to control it once a panic attack starts.
Luckily I've been through all of this so many times that I know all of my limits with things and I know what the points of no return are. -Pros and cons to having been sick for years.- I’ve learned how to control and manage my daily pains and I do my best to control whatever the symptoms of the day are. I keep things from getting worse wayyyyyy more than people know. My whole day, from the time I woke up until I fell asleep was a struggle.
I didn't cry, despite having felt on the verge of crying off and on all day. I didn't throw up, despite that how bad I was mentally made me want to die. I didn't have a panic attack, despite....everything. That's all just thanks to my experience with controlling myself.
It's constant work to contain it all on days like that though; hence why I like to just be alone, and also hence why I'm very tired on days like that.
All the ways I was being mentally effected were just because something going on in my body made it's way to my brain so it effected me neurologically.
Staying aware that it's a chemical reaction and not me or not triggered by something situational is what keeps me as stable and sane as I stay. I stay aware that I’m not myself that day and thats what keeps me from totally losing it. But that means I have to state aware of that all day to not go crazy. It’s just plain, all-around very tiring. Luckily though, I know it's only temporary.
A few days after that bad mental health day, I had a really bad physical health day that was extremely pain filled. I wrote about that the other day. You can read that whole post if you want that story too haha. Here’s the link to it: Reflecting In The Aftermath Of A Bad Day.
This week I had a bad mental day and a bad physical day, and out of the two I had a harder time when my mind was falling apart. After years of experiencing many different kinds of pain on a day-to-day basis, I fairly quickly learned that physical pain is actually much easier to get through than mental or emotional pain. To some, I’m sure you’ll immediately understand that, and to everyone who doesn’t know why I would say something like that, I will now explain why I think that...
My body is only what I live in. It can literally break and fall apart, and who I am can still be completely intact because I am not my body.
When it's my mind that falls apart though, it's very easy to lose touch with who I am underneath all of the abnormal chemical reactions happening in my head. It changes the way I think, and if that changed thinking lasts long enough who I really am just becomes a foggier and more distant memory. Eventually in time you forget what it feels like to think normally.
It's easy to not be defined by your body. But if you're not defined by your mind either, then what are you defined by?
I am not my body.
I am not my mind.
I am the soul that lives within all of me.
~ You are defined by how you react to the uncontrollable things in life. ~
Whether it be your body or mind that you can't control, at the end of the day you are not defined by those things.
You are not defined by if the things you can't control effect you. You are defined by how you let what you can't control effect you.
~ It's inevitable that change (in whatever form) will happen and effect you, but you control how it effects you. ~
I'm not saying you can always control the way things effect you. Everyone will have their bad days, but how you look at the bad days; how you rise from bad days; how you look at life after bad days; how you look at yourself after bad days…That is something you can control. It's not always easy to control, but it is doable.
~ You are only defined by the things you let define you. ~
I am not my illness.
My illness continues to change my body and mind on a daily basis and that is simply out of my control. I've long accepted that fact. I control how I cope, and react to change though. I decide what outlook I have on life.
~ When life drags you down you have the choice to decide what attitude you have. ~
I am controlled and limited in many ways by my illness, but there are always things we can't control in life.
I will not be defined by my illness.
I made that decision a long time ago.
I am defined by my inner strength, peace, determination, compassion, empathy, outlook, attitude, and so much more. I am defined by how I always make the most of life. I am defined by how despite having many reasons to give up, I never give up. I can't. I've actually tried and I am incapable of giving up. I won't accept defeat.
~ I have lost many battles, but I will win this war. ~
I am defined by my ability to find positivity in every situation....And honestly I have my illness to thank for that. I have my illness to thank for this better, stronger person it molded me into...And that....
That is my silver lining.
Any kind of pain is hard to deal with. To every person their pain is different, and their ability to cope and overcome it is different too. For me, I definitely have my reasons to believe that physical pain is easier than mental or emotional pain, but to each his own…
For any other sick people out there, whether you're being limited and controlled and dragged down by physical pain or mental or emotional pain, never give up. I know how you feel. I know how much you want to give up some days, but don’t give in to that. Your pain won’t last forever. I know it sucks to have to wait for that “someday” that things will finally be better, but always, ALWAYS keep fighting. “Someday” will come and you will look back and be so happy and proud that you didn’t give up. I promise you won't regret not giving up.
In the meantime, while you’re still fighting and waiting for “someday”, remember these things...
~ Find silver linings in everything. ~
~ Find positivity in everything. ~
~ Don't lose hope. ~
~ Chose how the things you can't control effect you. ~
~ Define yourself. ~
~ Never give up. ~
Most importantly...
~ You will lose battles, but always keep your determination to win the war, no matter what. ~
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