Last week, I got a phone call out of the blue from my old principal. He called, saying that the superintendent of our school district specifically asked for me, because he wanted me to come speak at the teacher assembly. He thought my graduation speech was by far the best of all the ones he saw this last June, and he in-fact he said that my speech was his "favorite speech ever!" He thought I would/they wanted me to "Inspire them and remind them what they do what they do." So, no pressure haha.
It's an assembly for all the public schools in our town, and it had about 600 people at it. I accepted the day after he called me and he told me I could say whatever I felt was fitting for the occasion. Just being told that, and knowing that they trusted me that much, was a great feeling. So, I pulled a speech together in 2 days.
Tuesday morning (8-16-16), I woke up at 6:30am (despite that normally I'm just falling asleep at that time), I got to the school at 7:45am like how I was asked to, I was introduced to many important officials in the school district, and then next thing I knew it was starting. I was the closing speaker. The motivational speaker who was there, went before me, and they wanted ME to close the assembly. Thats crazy!! My principal introduced me to the crowd while looking and sounding proud, then I sucked up my nerves, put on a big smile and faked confidence while I gave my speech. 10 minutes later, I finished my speech and with my final words everyone laughed and then stood up and gave me a standing ovation.
I was in shock, my hands were shaking from my nerves and the adrenalin rushing through me. While I was trying to go back to my seat, the superintendent came up to me and hugged me with tears still in his eyes. He told me to stay up there with him, and while we waited for the applause to die down he thanked me multiple times for being there. He told me that's the second time I've made him cry, and he said many other kinds things. Once everyone sat, he thanked me on the mic and said "Thank you for being here and sharing your story with us all. You're effecting lives and making such a big difference by sharing what you've been through." He then thanked the teachers for coming, and I was finally able to go shy away to my seat. My principal (whom I was sitting next to) leaned over and said, "It was perfect." The woman on my other side told me I did so great, then a woman behind me leaned forward, shook my hand and thanked me.
Leaving took a solid 30 minutes or so, just because so many people kept stopping me and coming up to me to shake my hand and thank me. The superintendent told me he wanted a picture with me, so then I took many pictures with people. My principal gave me a hug and thanked me for coming. My old teachers came up and congratulated me and told me they were so proud of me. Then just the amount of strangers that complimented me was crazy. I lost count of the amount of times I was told I should be a motivational speaker. Which speaking of motivational speakers, we talked the the man who went before me and he said he actually based his speech on what he heard I would be talking about! The motivational speaker based his speech off of my speech! What's that about?! (He told a story of his troubled and utterly tragic past, and how important of a role his teachers and coaches played in his life. Hearing that he based his topic off of mine is even more cool, because I think he decided to share that very personal story with everyone because he heard I was telling my vulnerable story too. He said he usually doesn't talk about his past, but knowing he was able to talk about it because I was being vulnerable is kind of amazing.)
Little do all of them know being awake that early is not something I ever do. They have no idea that I've been struggling with motivation so it was very ironic that I was asked to come be a motivational speaker. They don't know that the only other speech I've ever given was my Valedictorian speech, I've never taken a speech class, and in fact, I've had terrible stage fright my whole life too! They have no idea how far out of my comfort zone I was doing that!!
It was such an amazing experience. I feel so honored to have been asked to do that, and I feel so much more motivated now. They have no idea how much I was needing to know that I am effecting people. I was feeling so useless and irrelevant, but seeing that I effect so many people when I'm just myself means a lot. I've always been the shy kid, I've never been one to speak in front of a lot of people, I've always been introverted and the last 4 years I've basically been a hermit. People generally haven't really cared about me since I got sick, people don't understand what I go through, I don't have many friends, I don't leave the house often, I struggle quite a bit with depression, and now all of sudden I get asked to d something like that... I was requested to be a speaker by many people, meaning that many adults were excited I was there to speak! I brought people to tears, again. I got a standing ovation, again. I got hugs and handshakes and countless kind words from total strangers. The coolest thing is I was just being myself, and thats all they told me they wanted me to do. I actually could cry about how happy I am that I can make such a big difference and effect people in a really positive way by just being me. It's the best and most rewarding feeling.
I'm just amazed and still in shock. My teachers continue to make me believe in myself more and more....
(Some pictures of the event)
 
(When he was thanking me in front of the crowd)
(The superintendent, me, and my principal. Coincidentally all coordinated in blue haha. 👕👔👖💙)
I finally uploaded the video to my speech (10 months later.) You can watch that here.
I just want to start out by saying thank you for this opportunity. I’m so honored to be here and be able to talk to so many educators of this community. It means a lot to me to know that my Valedictorian speech had such a lasting impression on people too. I wrote it purposely to be vulnerable and true to who I am. It’s my story, so it means even more to know that people got it and really liked what I had to say.
With that being said, I’ll read you all a portion of my graduation speech…
"Just a year ago I wrote an essay about my deep love and appreciation, for bacon. That's not a lie. That's me. That’s who I am.
I'm an insomniac, a blogger, a YouTuber, a writer, a book worm, a music lover, a musician, and many other things. I love super-heroes and sarcasm and singing loudly in the car. I talk to my animals like they're people and I answer for them too, because I'm totally not crazy at all.
My nickname is Mayonnaise. Yes, you heard that right. Mayonnaise, like the condiment. They call me Mayo for short, but that's it’s whole own story.
My point is, I'm a total and complete weirdo! That's who your Valedictorian is; a person who's nickname is Mayonnaise, who writes essays about bacon.
The future of America everyone. 🙌 Feel proud.
Aside from all the silly things I listed that I identify myself with, I didn't list one really big thing that takes up a huge portion of my life, and I didn't list it because I don't define myself by it. …… I’m sick.
I've actually been very sick the last 4 years of my life. I started my freshmen year just as normally and optimistically as every other kid at Paso High, but not even halfway into the first week of school, I got really sick. I spent the rest of the year in and out of hospitals, seeing countless doctors and being tested for anything and everything they thought I might have.
My friends turned into strangers and my doctors became my friends.
At a time in my life when my biggest worries should have been about school and friends, and boys and silly things like what to wear; I was waiting for test results to find out if I had cancer or a tumor or something that might kill me.
In the blink of an eye I went from all honors classes and previously having straight A’s, to not even being able to do simple addition, reading or writing. I couldn't even walk 10 feet without starting to black out either, and the summer before I got sick I was in water polo, swimming for hours at a time, and doing over 300 sit ups per practice.
My life and who I was was ripped away from me and I desperately clung to anything I could that was still me. ……. 4 years later, I'm still sick. I’m immensely better, but I’m still sick. I just don't look it anymore. I'll smile and you'll see my normal looking exterior and you'll quickly notice my weird, silly, fun personality and you'd never know.... I still have insomnia and bad days. I was in the ER recently too because it was a really bad day.
Despite everything that's been thrown my way over the past 4 years, here I am, somehow still in the place I always dreamed I'd be. It feels right, and yet totally bizarre. After years of hell, I'm finally ending this chapter of my life, and it's still the ending I'd always wanted. It ends with me graduating as valedictorian, giving a speech about life…and bacon.
I have Lyme Disease. But that's not something I identify myself with. 4 years later, it still takes up and controls the majority of my life and it's in every cell of my body, but I am not my illness.
It just took me a while to learn that I get to decide what things I let define me. We all get to make the choice for ourselves. We get to choose how we define ourselves.
I will not be defined by my illness."
Just like in my graduation speech, I want to take just a minute of my time here and use this amazing platform to spread some much needed awareness for Lyme Disease. For anyone who doesn't now what it is, all it takes is just one tiny tick bite and your life can be drastically changed. I really encourage everyone to just Google Lyme Disease and learn a little bit about it. I didn't even know what it was before I got it. Researching it and being aware of what it is can save your life.
At this point in my speech I said my thank you’s, I made some jokes, and I addressed my class. But since I have this time here today, I specifically want to talk to you, the teachers.
I went to 4 different High Schools in the last for 4 years due to my complicated health issues, and I have nothing but great things to say about all the people who helped with my schooling.
I had a counselor at Paso High who went way out of his way to be kind and help me, I had a home-hospital teacher who would come to my house and would bring me my work, I had a teacher at Independence who would stay after school with me and tutored me to help me catch up, my teacher at Liberty helped me create an independent school schedule that helped me be able to graduate on time,…and that’s just listing a few!
I really just want to thank the School District, for having a school system that allows the teachers to be so compassionate. The amount of kindnesses that was shown to me made all the difference in my life, and was the reason I was still able to succeed academically.
I’ve had so many teachers impact me and my life, and I really wish I had the time to talk about all of them. But I’m just going to tell a short story about one instead…
My 8th grade teacher is one of the teachers I’ll never forget. She was the first person to tell me I was a leader, and actually made me believe it. She made me see myself differently, and it forever changed my life…After graduation, I messaged her and finally, after many years, thanked her for everything she’s done for me, and I think you guys will really connect with what she said to me. She said, “Being a teacher, praying you touch a life is what you hope for. It’s the “beyond academics” that matter most.”
Obviously, academics is a very important part in a teachers career, but I agree with my teacher. Its the things beyond academics that matter the most. The teachers that showed me extra kindness and compassion, the ones that would just sit and talk with me about life and would tell me funny stories and make me laugh. Those are the teachers that made the biggest difference in my life.
Now-days bullying, depression, self harm, eating disorders, and other mental illnesses, are more of an issue than ever. Those things are all thrown into a category that my illness also falls into - “Invisible Illnesses.” Invisible illnesses are the most misunderstood kind of illnesses, because its hard for people to understand how something could be wrong with a person that looks “normal.” Just because someone looks or acts normal, doesn’t mean something serious isn’t going on below the surface.
It’s really hard to be a teenager now days, to say the least, and if you’re struggling from an invisible illness its even harder. All kids, and teenagers especially, want to see our potential. We just struggle to see our potential on our own. We need someone to make a difference.
Teacher’s arguably play the most pivotal role in kids, and teens lives. Teachers make such a big difference! You all get the opportunity every year to effect kids and push them towards their potential.
Basically, I just want to tell you to keep doing what you do. Don’t be discouraged by our sass and sarcasm. Don’t give up on us, especially when we start to give up on ourselves. Keep making a difference! Just be patient, don’t give up, and don’t doubt how important of a role you play in your students lives.
As a student who’s had a lot of teachers effect me as a person, thats what I wanted to say to the teachers of this community. On behalf of all kids, teenagers, and students out there, thank you so much for everything you do, and keep pushing us to be the best we can be both academically and in life too.
As a finishing thought, I’ll leave you with the same thing I ended my Valedictorian speech with. It’s something that any age can appreciate and I think it’s meaningfulness is part of why people remembered my speech….
If you want some really good bacon go out and get the thick sliced kind. Pan fry it like you normally would, then put it on a sheet, brush it with maple syrup and oven bake it. Delicious. You’ll thank me later.
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Showing posts with label Valedictorian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Valedictorian. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
How I Became a Motivational Speaker
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Closure
My 8th grade teacher came to my high school graduation and with her, one of the things she brought to give me was my class journal from 8th gradeThe other thing she brought, was a letter I wrote to myself during the last week of school in 8th grade. We all had journals and we all wrote letters to ourselves that last week of school, and most of us said we wanted her to keep them both and give them back to us after we graduate.
I never forgot about that letter, and I can't lie, over the years I've actually really wondered what I wrote to myself all that time ago...
After graduation, with my family around the dinner table, I fianlly opened that letter. It was shorter than I remembered, for one. That was my first surprise haha. My next surpsise was that oddly enough, I realized that some way, some how, I had actually accomplished everything I'd wanted for myself. I was actually kind of stunned by that.
I read the letter aloud to my family and then I went through and explained that I'd actually done everything on it...
1: "I want to be successful in High School."
~I'm Valedictorian. Nuff said haha. ✅~
~I'm Valedictorian. Nuff said haha. ✅~
2: "Make new friends."
~Granted I didn't make the kind of new friends I thought I would, but I did in fact make a lot of new friends. Most are adults, some are doctors, and I'm friends with my teachers too. It still counts though haha. Also, not to mention my two best friends who I met online. They've stuck with my for 2 years now!✅~
~Granted I didn't make the kind of new friends I thought I would, but I did in fact make a lot of new friends. Most are adults, some are doctors, and I'm friends with my teachers too. It still counts though haha. Also, not to mention my two best friends who I met online. They've stuck with my for 2 years now!✅~
3: "Try new things."
~I started playing guitar. That's a new thing. I started writing a lot, blogging, and have all sorts of new hobbies. ✅~
~I started playing guitar. That's a new thing. I started writing a lot, blogging, and have all sorts of new hobbies. ✅~
4: "Find something that inspires me."~I got so much more into music once I started playing it and I found so much inspriation in music. Just overall, I've found inspriation in my life and my situation, and I found a way to channel the negatives in my life into positive things. I let myself find inspriation in every situation, good or bad. No matter what, I end up writing about it haha. I have inspiration up the wazoo now! (I really wanted to say wazoo haha.)✅✅~
5: "Have fun."~I definitly have fun! I learned to make the most of any situation. I laugh every day, no matter how bad. I laugh til I cry at least once a week too haha.✅~
6: "Live in the moment."~I lived one day at a time for years, and I still kinda do. I really appreciate the little things in life. I try not to take life or speical movements for granted. I try to soak up as much happiness from even just the tiniest of moments as I can get. Sometimes just one tiny positive thing from a day was all I would get. You learn to really appreciate little things when the little things are all you get.✅~
7: "Believe."~It's a broad one, but I like it. I always try my very best to belive in myself, trust my gut, and trust my strength. I belive in the ones I love. I belive that we all have a purpose... ✅~
8: "Dream big." ~In 8th grade, that used to be my motto, or montra, or whatever you want to call it. They were words I really believed in, and I can't lie, I did give up on those words for a while. I came back around to them though, and I still have a lot of the same big dreams I used to have. I'm not gonna let life stop me from dreaming big.✅~
9: "Don't give up."~I know when I wrote this letter back then, I meant this in a way of that you shouldn't give up on your big dreams. But reading it today, it had completely different meaning to me. It actually kind of choked me up when I read that one. I've never given up, deapite all I've been through, and I really have been through a lot. Just because I didn't give up though, didn't mean that I didn't want to give up. I know there were many times I was so sick and was so deeply depressed and miserable that I actually wished I wasn't so strong of a person. I wished I could give up, but I couldn't. I hit rock bottom, maybe a few times, and it's impossible for me to give up. For better or for worse, I'm a fighter and I can't give up.✅✅✅~
Ps. My lucky number is 9. No clue if I did that intentionally back then haha, but that's just super cool to me that there's 9 things.
After telling my family that I accomplished all the things I'd wanted to, I also thought about how cool it was that I actually talked about all (or maybe just most) of those things in my graduation speech too. That was just crazy to me.
I hesitated opening the letter at first, scared of that what I said back then may make me sad now. I was expecting it to be pretty bittersweet, but I was honestly just in awe.
It amazed me, and the letter that I wrote to myself all those years ago was the true closure that I didn't even know I needed until I read it.
❤️
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Big Life Update: From Prom To The E.R. To Valedictorian!
It's been a while since I've written on here... I've had quite a few ups and downs. Prom happened, my boyfriend totaled his car (he was totally fine thank god), we went to a wedding, my brother's girlfriend had a birthday(aka my in house bestie. She lives with us haha.), I did a cover of a cute song for mother's day, I was on the news when I helped out with one of my best friend and his mom's presentation about Lyme at a local high school, I was in the E.R. again (for the 3rd time this year), I had my graduation party, I sadly had to cancel going to grad-night, and then I graduated as Valedictorian! I'll go through and talk about everything. This is gonna be a long post haha. I can't go this long without posting...too much happens.
Prom! - April 16th
Prom was a blast! The whole day of Prom was really stressful and tiring. Everything kept going wrong. I was being super forgetful that day too so I had to go back in the house like 3 times because I kept forgetting things when I was trying to leave. We got rear-ended before we got to our dinner reservation too. All was okay though. No one was hurt and the cars involved were all fine. The whole time we were at dinner we were just trying to un-tense from being rear-ended. Once we got to Prom though, we had a blast. I danced for like 3 hours straight and didn't leave until it was over. It was just great. I got tons of compliments too, from people and workers at the restaurant, women in the bathroom, girls at the prom, and even a few teachers. Keep in mind that I don't even go to that school, it was my boyfriend's Prom, so I didn't know any of the people who complimented me haha. It was just a great night. Lots of great memories. Lots of laughs.
Accident - April 30th 1am
When my boyfriend totaled his car. --- He was on his way home from my house late at night. I live out in the country, so theres a lot of deer. Theres ton's of accidents on the road he crashed on because there's blind corners and tons of deer that just jump out. Luckily, no one else was driving around at the time so he just hit then deer and then a tree. I hated getting that call from him though... I'd been afraid of getting that call of him saying he was in an accident. Thankfully he was okay, and my dad drove down to help him figure out what to do. Note: that it all happened past 1am.
Amber's Birthday - May 2nd
Love her so much. Lots of laughs. I got her the most ridiculous card I've ever seen and she totally loved it haha. Her cake was just the cutest thing too.😊
E.R. - May 14th
I ended up in the E.R. after a medication change. I wasn't feeling very good and was having weird chest pain off and on for the first few days of being on the new medication. I felt good enough to go to the movies though, or so I thought. I made it about two thirds of the way through the movie, and my chest pain just kept getting worse and worse. I was keeping a close watch on it, and I know my limits well. I was micro-meditating to try to control my symptoms, but nothing was helping. The fact that I couldn't control it at all (which normally I can), and that it was only getting worse was very concerning to me. So I told my boyfriend I needed to leave, and he just said okay and held my hand as we walked to the car. He only asked me "Are you okay?" as we walked out, and I just shook my head no. By the time we got to the car I had gone from a 7 out of 10 on the pain chart (1 being best - 10 being the worst) to an 8. My hands were already shaking badly, my heart was racing, I was short of breath, and my body was twitchy when I decided I needed to leave the movie, but when we got to the car I was starting to pass out. Luckily, I have a ton of experience with almost passing out. I know the signs of when its coming on very well, so I know how to not pass out. I held my hands out and looked at my shaking hands and my boyfriend looked at them too and asked "What's going on? Are you having a panic attack?" As he said that, I felt my tongue staring to go numb (a sign I get when I'm getting closer to passing out), and I just answered with "I think I need to go to the hospital." He just said "Okay", and started to buckle up and drive. I told him I was starting to pass out but I was going to try to hold out and focus on not passing out. I forewarned him to not freak out if I did pass out. He asked me if I could call my mom or if he needed to do it, I said I would try. I called my mom and said we were on our way to the hospital and that she needed to meet us there. Obviously, she asked what was wrong and I said it felt like a bad panic attack at first but that it just kept getting worse and something didn't feel right. It didn't feel like my panic attacks. It was a totally new kind of chest and heart pain for me, and note that the other 2 times I was in the E.R. just this year was for chest pain. We drove in silence and when we got there he offered to carry me. I was talked to almost immediately by a nurse, and right after that my mom got there. She said she just dropped everything, ran out of the and sped there. I was called back in just a minute or two, even though there was a waiting room full of people. I had an EKG done and was seen by the doctor right after I got to my room. I had a blood draw and then an IV put in right after they left and then we just waited. It was a huge relief to be seen so quickly. They saw me when I was still at a 7 on the pain scale, and they all seemed pretty puzzled too by the sounds of my story and sudden extreme symptoms. My mom left to run home and get me food (I have a really restricted diet and have to eat on a tight schedule or else I start to feel sick, so her bringing me food was really important.) My boyfriend who had been quiet since my mom arrived, came and sat next to my bed once she left. I had my IV going and those are always painful for me (I have weak veins because I've had so much bloodwork done), and he knew all I needed was to just not think about it. He just talked to me, told me funny stories, made me laugh, was silly and sang a silly disco song that he'd been singing and dancing to earlier. I was laughing so much. I so needed the distraction. Before we knew it my IV was done, and my mom got back. She was happy to see me smiling and doing a little better. We got test results back and found out I wasn't having a heart attack so that was really good news. They didn't know what was wrong with me but they ruled off the big, really life threatening things we were worried about. I left still at a 5 or 6 on the pain scale. But I lived my life at a constant 6 for a long time. 6 is fine. It's livable. We got to the hospital at about 9:30pm and we didn't get home until after 1am. Meaning, we were singing "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer, in the E.R. at 12:30am haha. It was just a crazy couple hours. We ended up making the most of it though, and the 3 of us laughed a lot while we were waiting for results.
The next few days weren't very good health wise. I saw my doctor that week and had medication changes galore. I had to see a cardiologist the week also, and we had to talk to another doctor. It was pretty hectic. I spent the next few weeks after all of that resting a lot and really trying to recover.
In those few weeks, I got put on a new medication that made me really depressed. So, that wasn't fun. I was recovering from that, and getting back to normal, and then I got the news that I was Valedictorian!
It was just a roller coaster of a month.
Graduation Party - June 4th
I had tons of family over for my graduation party. It was great to catch up with so many loved ones. I got so many beautiful cards. We decorated the house a bunch too and that was super cute. I love decorating for special occasions. My family got me super cute little cakes! It made me sad that I can't eat them (can't eat gluten, dairy, or sugar), but everyone else enjoyed them so that was nice.😊I didn't feel very good, but it was still a great day.
Disney movie marathon, not grad-night - June 7th
I hadn't been feeling good for a few days and only just kept feeling worse. I decided the day before, to cancel my trip to go to Disneyland with my class for grad-night. It was a really sad decision to have to make, but I knew it was what was best for me and my health. I dressed up in a Disney shirt, put on my Minnie Mouse ears, and marathoned some Disney movies instead.
Graduation/Valedictorian! - June 9th
I already published my post about my speech. (Link here.) You should go check that out if you haven't already!
Getting the news I was Valedictorian was totally shocking. I was not expecting it at all. I got right to speech writing because I only had about a week and a half until graduation from when I found out. I put so much thought into my speech. So much thought went into the content of the speech and how the speech was constructed. I had one shot to speak to that crowd and to make some kind of an impact, and I really wanted to take advantage of that. I wanted the speech to say everything I wanted to say, and to have all different kinds of effects and messages. I knew it was going to be a complex speech so a lot of thought went into it, but it seems like it payed off. My speech did everything I wanted it to, and then some.
Graduation day was very stressful. I woke up feeling like crap, so that made it really hard to get through the day. I was honestly worried if I was going to make it through the day and actually be able to do my speech. I forewarned my mom to not be surprised if I was going to need to go to the hospital after graduation was over. I also talked to a few teachers and the principal and forewarned them that I wasn't feeling good. We had a hand signal agreed on, so that if I did the hand signal they knew someone needed to run over to me. My mom told my boyfriend to stay with me until I was going to walk out with my class, because she was that worried about me. He sat in the front row too, and he told my teachers that if I did the hand signal he was going to jump the fence and come to me. That's how bad I was doing. I felt so sick that day, but I was determined to go out there and still give my speech.
I have terrible stage fright, so I was so nervous about having to do the public speaking part of my speech. It was probably the most nerve wracking thing I've ever had to do. It was terrifying to me. I'm not afraid of death, but holy crap public speaking tho haha.
The minutes before I had to go up on stage, I closed my eyes and micro-meditated. I breathed and focused on the feeling of the wind on me. Then next thing I knew, my name was announced and I walked up to the podium. I cut it out of my speech video, but when I went up there a teacher came up too and brought a chair and left it there. She offered to stay standing too but I said I was going to try to stand and just go for it. She wished me luck and scurried back to her seat, I flipped to my page in the booklet, then I looked up at my family's section in the crowd. They were straight ahead of me. I told myself to only look at them when I would look up, just focus on my mom. I'd read my speech a few times to her, and a million times to myself...
I've lived my life these last few years very frequently feeling like crap at very inconvenient times. (Times like friends BBQs or Birthday Parties, or family get-togethers.) I've always hated being looked at and treated like I'm sick, so I quickly got really good at faking it. I would put on a big smile, I'd stand up straight and act completely normal, even if I felt like I was falling apart. I got really good at faking being okay, so thats what I did up there. I faked being confident (I really just wanted to run and hide and not have people look at me), I faked that I was happy and excited (I actually was feeling so sick that day that I wasn't even excited anymore), I faked that I felt good enough to be up there (I really, really didn't.)
I put so much time, thought and effort into my speech though that I wasn't going to just give up that opportunity. So, I got up there and faked my ass off, and by the second page....I wasn't nervous anymore. People laughed at my intended jokes, and they stopped and listened when I wanted them to too. I was totally getting the reactions I'd wanted, and it was then that I realized that most of my fear about the public speaking wasn't actually about public speaking. I was afraid about being so vulnerable. I was afraid that I was going to lay my heart and soul out there, and really give a vulnerable speech about me and my life and who I am, and that no one would care. But people were actually really listening. I looked up at one point and every single person was looking at me, and there wasn't a peep of noise. Like not even babies or children made noise! It was dead silent and all eyes were on me, and that was the moment I relaxed. It's totally ironic because that should've terrified me, but it's exactly the reaction I'd wanted. They were putty in my hands and I'd totally hooked them just how I'd wanted to.
By the end of my speech I wasn't faking it anymore. I really was feeling confident, happy, excited, and all of those happy emotions distracted me from how sick I felt.
As I was going off stage, the important faculty on stage all stood up and clapped for me, and the ones closest to me congratulated me. People in the crowd stood and clapped. When I got to my seat all the people sitting closest to me congratulated me. They all knew how nervous I was about my speech and knew I wasn't feeling good too (they found out in the course of lining up for graduation and such.) The principal congratulated me from the mic, the girl who spoke after me said "Well thats a tough act to follow", when I got my diploma every single person on stage who I had to shake hands with (which was like 7 people) all congratulated me on my speech and said varying kind or funny things. After graduation my teacher came up and gave me a big hug and congratulated me. My family was so proud, my 8th grade teacher was there and was so proud. My grandpa was the first person I hugged. My boyfriend was the last, because he patiently waited his turn. But when I hugged him I squeezed him so tight. He was so worried about me and we were both really happy and relieved and proud that I actually got through it.
The feeling of having that big crowd in the palm of my hand, and the feeling of getting a standing ovation is like nothing I've ever felt before. Being someone who's had horrible stage fright for as long as I can remember, it was completely shocking to have that feeling and completely love it. I loved how it felt to control the crowd and for them to like what I had to say so much. It was kind of addictive. I now understand how people get addicted to being on stage. Theres no other feeling like it.
My 8th grade teacher gave me a letter I wrote to my future self back when I was in her class as part of my graduation gift. I opened it and read it at the dinner table with my family around. I think I'll do a whole post just about that.
It was just a really good day. Most of the day was pretty crappy and stressful, but the way I felt at the end of that day was priceless. One of the best and proudest days of my life.
The next day, my uncle, who was at my graduation, texted my mom. He lives a few towns over, probably 30-40 minutes away. He said he was out, and he overheard some guys he knows talking about an amazing girl's speech from the night before... He soon realized they were talking about me, and he told them they were talking about his niece... I was blown away when my mom passed on that news.
Now
Just this week, my speech was featured on LymeDisease.org (Link here) I've gone to the movies and made it through a whole movie without having to go to the hospital! Haha. I went to the beach this week with my bf. We took our hammock, hung it up under the pier and had a nice, relaxing afternoon. I did all of my thank you notes for my grad presents (I'm usually terrible at thank you notes haha. I did 24 cards.) I've been doing okay health wise, still a lot of ups and downs.
It's been a crazy, hectic, roller coaster of a past few months. There've been a lot of bad days, but there've been some big things and big moments along the way. I'm really really proud of myself, and I'm so insanely thankful. I just love my family so much. They always keep me smiling and laughing, and thats worth more to me than anything.
Prom! - April 16th
Prom was a blast! The whole day of Prom was really stressful and tiring. Everything kept going wrong. I was being super forgetful that day too so I had to go back in the house like 3 times because I kept forgetting things when I was trying to leave. We got rear-ended before we got to our dinner reservation too. All was okay though. No one was hurt and the cars involved were all fine. The whole time we were at dinner we were just trying to un-tense from being rear-ended. Once we got to Prom though, we had a blast. I danced for like 3 hours straight and didn't leave until it was over. It was just great. I got tons of compliments too, from people and workers at the restaurant, women in the bathroom, girls at the prom, and even a few teachers. Keep in mind that I don't even go to that school, it was my boyfriend's Prom, so I didn't know any of the people who complimented me haha. It was just a great night. Lots of great memories. Lots of laughs.
Accident - April 30th 1am
When my boyfriend totaled his car. --- He was on his way home from my house late at night. I live out in the country, so theres a lot of deer. Theres ton's of accidents on the road he crashed on because there's blind corners and tons of deer that just jump out. Luckily, no one else was driving around at the time so he just hit then deer and then a tree. I hated getting that call from him though... I'd been afraid of getting that call of him saying he was in an accident. Thankfully he was okay, and my dad drove down to help him figure out what to do. Note: that it all happened past 1am.
(I'm only gonna show a picture of the skid marks. They're still there 2 months later.)
Wedding - April 30th
The wedding was out of town so I had to wake up early, and we'd had a late night because of the accident. Driving past the skid marks (picture above), was so scary. At the wedding, the weather was great, and the wedding was beautiful. I wasn't feeling the best, but was a good day. We had a really good time.
Amber's Birthday - May 2nd
Love her so much. Lots of laughs. I got her the most ridiculous card I've ever seen and she totally loved it haha. Her cake was just the cutest thing too.😊
Mother's Day - May 8th
My surprise/present to my mom was doing a special cover for her. I posted it the morning of Mother's Day. I wrote a big long post on Facebook, put the video with it, and left it for her to wake up to. She loved it. Later, we went to brunch with family. It was perfect weather, and just a nice day all around. (lLink to my cover here.) 😊
Breaking News - Lyme Awareness - May 11th
I last minute decided to go with my mom to go help her, my friend and his mom at their presentation about Lyme Disease to a local high school. A news crew came and interviewed my friend and I because he heard we both have Lyme Disease, then later that night we were all on the news! (Link to the local news post here.) The rally went good, I passed out tons of stuff too, including... bracelets provided by LymeLilli.org, information pamphlets provided by BayAreaLyme.org, and I believe our story was featured on LymeDisease.org also! We also did the Lyme Disease Challenge with the ex-mayor of my town haha. #TakeABiteOutOfLyme #LymeDiseaseAwarenessMonth 💚💚💚
(A little collage of pictures from that day, and then me on TV!)
I ended up in the E.R. after a medication change. I wasn't feeling very good and was having weird chest pain off and on for the first few days of being on the new medication. I felt good enough to go to the movies though, or so I thought. I made it about two thirds of the way through the movie, and my chest pain just kept getting worse and worse. I was keeping a close watch on it, and I know my limits well. I was micro-meditating to try to control my symptoms, but nothing was helping. The fact that I couldn't control it at all (which normally I can), and that it was only getting worse was very concerning to me. So I told my boyfriend I needed to leave, and he just said okay and held my hand as we walked to the car. He only asked me "Are you okay?" as we walked out, and I just shook my head no. By the time we got to the car I had gone from a 7 out of 10 on the pain chart (1 being best - 10 being the worst) to an 8. My hands were already shaking badly, my heart was racing, I was short of breath, and my body was twitchy when I decided I needed to leave the movie, but when we got to the car I was starting to pass out. Luckily, I have a ton of experience with almost passing out. I know the signs of when its coming on very well, so I know how to not pass out. I held my hands out and looked at my shaking hands and my boyfriend looked at them too and asked "What's going on? Are you having a panic attack?" As he said that, I felt my tongue staring to go numb (a sign I get when I'm getting closer to passing out), and I just answered with "I think I need to go to the hospital." He just said "Okay", and started to buckle up and drive. I told him I was starting to pass out but I was going to try to hold out and focus on not passing out. I forewarned him to not freak out if I did pass out. He asked me if I could call my mom or if he needed to do it, I said I would try. I called my mom and said we were on our way to the hospital and that she needed to meet us there. Obviously, she asked what was wrong and I said it felt like a bad panic attack at first but that it just kept getting worse and something didn't feel right. It didn't feel like my panic attacks. It was a totally new kind of chest and heart pain for me, and note that the other 2 times I was in the E.R. just this year was for chest pain. We drove in silence and when we got there he offered to carry me. I was talked to almost immediately by a nurse, and right after that my mom got there. She said she just dropped everything, ran out of the and sped there. I was called back in just a minute or two, even though there was a waiting room full of people. I had an EKG done and was seen by the doctor right after I got to my room. I had a blood draw and then an IV put in right after they left and then we just waited. It was a huge relief to be seen so quickly. They saw me when I was still at a 7 on the pain scale, and they all seemed pretty puzzled too by the sounds of my story and sudden extreme symptoms. My mom left to run home and get me food (I have a really restricted diet and have to eat on a tight schedule or else I start to feel sick, so her bringing me food was really important.) My boyfriend who had been quiet since my mom arrived, came and sat next to my bed once she left. I had my IV going and those are always painful for me (I have weak veins because I've had so much bloodwork done), and he knew all I needed was to just not think about it. He just talked to me, told me funny stories, made me laugh, was silly and sang a silly disco song that he'd been singing and dancing to earlier. I was laughing so much. I so needed the distraction. Before we knew it my IV was done, and my mom got back. She was happy to see me smiling and doing a little better. We got test results back and found out I wasn't having a heart attack so that was really good news. They didn't know what was wrong with me but they ruled off the big, really life threatening things we were worried about. I left still at a 5 or 6 on the pain scale. But I lived my life at a constant 6 for a long time. 6 is fine. It's livable. We got to the hospital at about 9:30pm and we didn't get home until after 1am. Meaning, we were singing "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer, in the E.R. at 12:30am haha. It was just a crazy couple hours. We ended up making the most of it though, and the 3 of us laughed a lot while we were waiting for results.
The next few days weren't very good health wise. I saw my doctor that week and had medication changes galore. I had to see a cardiologist the week also, and we had to talk to another doctor. It was pretty hectic. I spent the next few weeks after all of that resting a lot and really trying to recover.
In those few weeks, I got put on a new medication that made me really depressed. So, that wasn't fun. I was recovering from that, and getting back to normal, and then I got the news that I was Valedictorian!
It was just a roller coaster of a month.
(We made the most of it haha.)
(My mom put this in a fortune cookie for me, and thats how I found out.)
Graduation Party - June 4th
I had tons of family over for my graduation party. It was great to catch up with so many loved ones. I got so many beautiful cards. We decorated the house a bunch too and that was super cute. I love decorating for special occasions. My family got me super cute little cakes! It made me sad that I can't eat them (can't eat gluten, dairy, or sugar), but everyone else enjoyed them so that was nice.😊I didn't feel very good, but it was still a great day.
Disney movie marathon, not grad-night - June 7th
I hadn't been feeling good for a few days and only just kept feeling worse. I decided the day before, to cancel my trip to go to Disneyland with my class for grad-night. It was a really sad decision to have to make, but I knew it was what was best for me and my health. I dressed up in a Disney shirt, put on my Minnie Mouse ears, and marathoned some Disney movies instead.
Graduation/Valedictorian! - June 9th
I already published my post about my speech. (Link here.) You should go check that out if you haven't already!
Getting the news I was Valedictorian was totally shocking. I was not expecting it at all. I got right to speech writing because I only had about a week and a half until graduation from when I found out. I put so much thought into my speech. So much thought went into the content of the speech and how the speech was constructed. I had one shot to speak to that crowd and to make some kind of an impact, and I really wanted to take advantage of that. I wanted the speech to say everything I wanted to say, and to have all different kinds of effects and messages. I knew it was going to be a complex speech so a lot of thought went into it, but it seems like it payed off. My speech did everything I wanted it to, and then some.
Graduation day was very stressful. I woke up feeling like crap, so that made it really hard to get through the day. I was honestly worried if I was going to make it through the day and actually be able to do my speech. I forewarned my mom to not be surprised if I was going to need to go to the hospital after graduation was over. I also talked to a few teachers and the principal and forewarned them that I wasn't feeling good. We had a hand signal agreed on, so that if I did the hand signal they knew someone needed to run over to me. My mom told my boyfriend to stay with me until I was going to walk out with my class, because she was that worried about me. He sat in the front row too, and he told my teachers that if I did the hand signal he was going to jump the fence and come to me. That's how bad I was doing. I felt so sick that day, but I was determined to go out there and still give my speech.
I have terrible stage fright, so I was so nervous about having to do the public speaking part of my speech. It was probably the most nerve wracking thing I've ever had to do. It was terrifying to me. I'm not afraid of death, but holy crap public speaking tho haha.
The minutes before I had to go up on stage, I closed my eyes and micro-meditated. I breathed and focused on the feeling of the wind on me. Then next thing I knew, my name was announced and I walked up to the podium. I cut it out of my speech video, but when I went up there a teacher came up too and brought a chair and left it there. She offered to stay standing too but I said I was going to try to stand and just go for it. She wished me luck and scurried back to her seat, I flipped to my page in the booklet, then I looked up at my family's section in the crowd. They were straight ahead of me. I told myself to only look at them when I would look up, just focus on my mom. I'd read my speech a few times to her, and a million times to myself...
I've lived my life these last few years very frequently feeling like crap at very inconvenient times. (Times like friends BBQs or Birthday Parties, or family get-togethers.) I've always hated being looked at and treated like I'm sick, so I quickly got really good at faking it. I would put on a big smile, I'd stand up straight and act completely normal, even if I felt like I was falling apart. I got really good at faking being okay, so thats what I did up there. I faked being confident (I really just wanted to run and hide and not have people look at me), I faked that I was happy and excited (I actually was feeling so sick that day that I wasn't even excited anymore), I faked that I felt good enough to be up there (I really, really didn't.)
I put so much time, thought and effort into my speech though that I wasn't going to just give up that opportunity. So, I got up there and faked my ass off, and by the second page....I wasn't nervous anymore. People laughed at my intended jokes, and they stopped and listened when I wanted them to too. I was totally getting the reactions I'd wanted, and it was then that I realized that most of my fear about the public speaking wasn't actually about public speaking. I was afraid about being so vulnerable. I was afraid that I was going to lay my heart and soul out there, and really give a vulnerable speech about me and my life and who I am, and that no one would care. But people were actually really listening. I looked up at one point and every single person was looking at me, and there wasn't a peep of noise. Like not even babies or children made noise! It was dead silent and all eyes were on me, and that was the moment I relaxed. It's totally ironic because that should've terrified me, but it's exactly the reaction I'd wanted. They were putty in my hands and I'd totally hooked them just how I'd wanted to.
By the end of my speech I wasn't faking it anymore. I really was feeling confident, happy, excited, and all of those happy emotions distracted me from how sick I felt.
As I was going off stage, the important faculty on stage all stood up and clapped for me, and the ones closest to me congratulated me. People in the crowd stood and clapped. When I got to my seat all the people sitting closest to me congratulated me. They all knew how nervous I was about my speech and knew I wasn't feeling good too (they found out in the course of lining up for graduation and such.) The principal congratulated me from the mic, the girl who spoke after me said "Well thats a tough act to follow", when I got my diploma every single person on stage who I had to shake hands with (which was like 7 people) all congratulated me on my speech and said varying kind or funny things. After graduation my teacher came up and gave me a big hug and congratulated me. My family was so proud, my 8th grade teacher was there and was so proud. My grandpa was the first person I hugged. My boyfriend was the last, because he patiently waited his turn. But when I hugged him I squeezed him so tight. He was so worried about me and we were both really happy and relieved and proud that I actually got through it.
The feeling of having that big crowd in the palm of my hand, and the feeling of getting a standing ovation is like nothing I've ever felt before. Being someone who's had horrible stage fright for as long as I can remember, it was completely shocking to have that feeling and completely love it. I loved how it felt to control the crowd and for them to like what I had to say so much. It was kind of addictive. I now understand how people get addicted to being on stage. Theres no other feeling like it.
My 8th grade teacher gave me a letter I wrote to my future self back when I was in her class as part of my graduation gift. I opened it and read it at the dinner table with my family around. I think I'll do a whole post just about that.
It was just a really good day. Most of the day was pretty crappy and stressful, but the way I felt at the end of that day was priceless. One of the best and proudest days of my life.
The next day, my uncle, who was at my graduation, texted my mom. He lives a few towns over, probably 30-40 minutes away. He said he was out, and he overheard some guys he knows talking about an amazing girl's speech from the night before... He soon realized they were talking about me, and he told them they were talking about his niece... I was blown away when my mom passed on that news.
(My brother's gf, Amber, did my hair and my boyfriend fed me haha.)
Just this week, my speech was featured on LymeDisease.org (Link here) I've gone to the movies and made it through a whole movie without having to go to the hospital! Haha. I went to the beach this week with my bf. We took our hammock, hung it up under the pier and had a nice, relaxing afternoon. I did all of my thank you notes for my grad presents (I'm usually terrible at thank you notes haha. I did 24 cards.) I've been doing okay health wise, still a lot of ups and downs.
It's been a crazy, hectic, roller coaster of a past few months. There've been a lot of bad days, but there've been some big things and big moments along the way. I'm really really proud of myself, and I'm so insanely thankful. I just love my family so much. They always keep me smiling and laughing, and thats worth more to me than anything.
(Pictures from the hammock at the beach the other day)
☀️🌊💙
I know that was a lot haha... Thanks for reading it all if you did! I'm gonna try to write more often, so I don't have to do huge long updates like this. Thanks again. I'll be writing soon.
Lots of love, Savannah. ❤️
Saturday, June 25, 2016
My Valedictorian Speech!
I was Valedictorian of my class!!! This is a video of my speech (posted to my YouTube channel), and below that are the words of my speech in a typed out version. (I'll be putting up a post that's more about my experience of being Valedictorian soon!)
Just a year ago I wrote an essay about my deep love and appreciation, for bacon. That's not a lie. That's me. That’s who I am.
I'm an insomniac, a blogger, a YouTuber, a writer, a book worm, a music lover, a musician, and many other things. I love super-heroes and sarcasm and singing loudly in the car. I talk to my animals like they're people and I answer for them too, because I'm totally not crazy at all.
My nickname is Mayonnaise. Yes, you heard that right. Mayonnaise, like the condiment. They call me Mayo for short, but that's it’s whole own story.
My point is, I'm a total and complete weirdo! That's who your valedictorian is; a person who's nickname is Mayonnaise, who writes essays about bacon.
The future of America everyone. 🙌 Feel proud.
Aside from all the silly things I listed that I identify myself with, I didn't list one really big thing that takes up a huge portion of my life, and I didn't list it because I don't define myself by it.
I'm sick.
I've actually been very sick the last 4 years of my life. I started my freshmen year just as normally and optimistically as every other kid at Paso High, but not even halfway into the first week of school, I got really sick. I spent the rest of the year in and out of hospitals, seeing countless doctors and being tested for anything and everything they thought I might have.
My friends turned into strangers and my doctors became my friends.
At a time in my life when my biggest worries should have been about school and friends, and boys and silly things like what to wear; I was waiting for test results to find out if I had cancer or a tumor or something that might kill me.
In the blink of an eye I went from all honors classes and previously having straight A's to not even being able to do simple addition, reading or writing. I couldn't even walk 10 feet without starting to black out either, and the summer before I got sick I was in water polo, swimming for hours at a time, and doing over 300 sit ups per practice.
My life and who I was was ripped away from me and I desperately clung to anything I could that was still me.
4 years later, I'm still sick. I’m immensely better, but I’m still sick. I just don't look it anymore. I'll smile and you'll see my normal looking exterior and you'll quickly notice my weird, silly, fun personality and you'd never know.... I still have insomnia and bad days. I was in the ER just a few weeks ago too because it was a really bad day.
5 years ago, I would've absolutely believed you telling me I would be valedictorian today. I had a 4.0. I was set up to go into advanced placement classes all through high school, then go straight to a university....I figured out that I took a lot of things for granted after I got sick.
4 years ago, I would've barely believed that I could even live through my illness.
Just one year ago, I didn't even know if I could finish all my missed credits to simply graduate on time. The possibility of being valedictorian hasn’t crossed my mind in the slightest for years.
Despite everything that's been thrown my way over the past 4 years, here I am, somehow still in the place I always dreamed I'd be. It feels right, and yet totally bizarre. After years of hell, I'm finally ending this chapter of my life, and it's still the ending I'd always wanted. It ends with me graduating as valedictorian, giving a speech about life…and bacon.
I have Lyme Disease. But that's not something I identify myself with. 4 years later, it still takes up and controls the majority of my life and it's in every cell of my body, but I am not my illness.
It just took me a while to learn that I get to decide what things I let define me. We all get to make the choice for ourselves. We get to choose how we define ourselves.
I will not be defined by my illness.
I want to take just a minute of my time here and use this amazing platform to spread some much needed awareness for Lyme Disease. For anyone who doesn't now what it is, all it takes is just one tiny tick bite and your life can be drastically changed. I really encourage everyone to just Google Lyme Disease and learn a little bit about it. I didn't even know what it was before I got it. Researching it and being aware of what it is can save your life.
Next, I want to take a minute to give a shoutout to the Paso Robles School District. I've gone tone to 4 different High Schools in the last for 4 years due to my complicated health issues. I have nothing but great things to say about all the people who helped with my schooling. All of my teachers have been so kind, caring, understanding and so helpful. They pushed me, even when I wasn't sure I could keep up with my work, but I did, and because of their encouragement I'm here today giving this speech. I just have to say, thank you so much. Truly.
I also have to take a minute to thank my family for their unwavering love and support. I would not still be alive today without the love of my family. Most importantly, I want to say thank you for believing in me when I stopped believing in myself. You knew I could still be all the things I wanted to be, and I'm glad you pushed me to not give up on myself. Thank you, I’m forever grateful for everything you all do for me.
You can't solely take credit for your accomplishments in life. This isn't just my award. I deffinitely didn't get here by myself. People always say it takes a village, and it really does. Who I am today is an accumulation of all the things I've been through and all the people in my life. My life isn’t what I thought it’d be, but I'm proud of who I am, and that's what really matters.
I feel lucky to be here. I feel lucky just to be alive. I'm grateful for the amazing people in my life. I'm proud to have graduated, and I'm so truly honored to be your valedictorian.
This all means more to me than anyone could ever know.
Life…is like bacon. Sometimes it's not very good. Sometimes you burn it and you have to start over. But the beautiful thing about that, is the next batch could be perfect.
Today is like a really good batch of bacon.
The last thing I want to say isn’t just for my fellow graduating class. I’m not going to give you all the usual graduation speech ending where I tell everyone to go out and succeed and then use cliches like, “we are the future” “this is only the beginning” “go change the world.” This is to everyone here, of any age,
If you want some really good bacon go out and get the thick sliced kind. Pan fry it like you normally would, then put it on a sheet, brush it with maple syrup and oven bake it. Delicious. You’ll thank me later.
The actual last thing I want to say to everyone is this,
Live.
Go out and live. Don't take life for granted, because it can change in the blink of an eye. Don't let anything hold you back, especially yourself. Enjoy the little things, like bacon. Cherish the big milestones in life and the people you get to share them with.
Be fearless. Be shameless. Be happy.
And to quote a little band called journey, “Don't stop believing. Hold on to that feeling.”
I hope you all enjoy your new bacon recipe.
Thank you, and Congratulations class of 2016."
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